desiree_darling

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i want this so badly, more than i've ever wanted anything in my life. it's all i've ever wanted.
if i had to choose between finding true love & getting married and performing for the rest of my life, i'd choose performing. not saying i don't want to fall in love or anything, haha. i want that very badly. i just... i guess it's something i could live without. sure, it'd be really hard. but i bet i'd get some great songs out of it. i couldn't live without performing, though. my life wouldn't have as big as a purpose without it. i need to get serious about it. i need to get a heads start. write more songs, practice more guitar, start taking voice lessons, record an official demo, take more risks. i don't know exactly what the plan is, but i just know i need to do SOMETHING. i get so discouraged because i can't play guitar well at all. and i know i just started, but it's so frustrating sometimes. but i practice every day & i'm getting better each time. i won't quit at it. i just really have to put myself out there & to not be afraid of failure. i need to understand that i'm going to hear a million "no's" before i hear that one "yes".


but i need to get my life in order here, as well. save up more money, make a plan. start getting on a good routine for myself & build my relationship with god. that's just as important to me. i feel like that's business that i have to take care of first.

ugh, it's all so frustrating & i am so anxious. i'm excited about my future, but so scared. i don't know what's going to happen to me. i don't know where this life is gonna take me. but i do know that i LOVE this. it's the only thing i want to do with the rest of my life, it is my true passion. and i have to do it. performing is like my oxygen. and i will do anything it takes (well... haha, almost anything) to achieve my goals. and they're big goals.

i don't think i'm ever going to be really truly happy... or even satisfied, until i'm doing what i love to do every day of my life.

i need to make it happen. it just needs to happen.

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the trip to atlanta was... FANTASTIC. better than fantastic. it was like... the best day ever. i had so much fun with anna, sharon & katie. the drive wasn't bad at all! and the CONCERT... holy crap. i can't even put it into words. we had great spots, the music was great. bryce played so amazingly. as did forever the sickest kids. and anna & i got to meet all of them before the show! we got so lucky, haha. the ftsk guys were such sweethearts, we got pictures with all of them. they're so funny & friendly! and bryce, just. oh my gosh. i'm going to start gushing in a second. although i didn't win the so much love solo contest, i didn't really care. haha, i wasn't expecting to win, i just wanted to give it a shot. but before he played the song, he said my name on stage! he was like "yeah, we had some other great entries, like desiree..." and he POINTED at me in the audience & SMILED. i flipped. i was just... beaming. afterwards, i met up with daryen & her really sweet friends, and victoria & rabon. my little trs family! haha, i love them. i bought some great merch from tara & took a picture with her. she is so beautiful & sweet! and then bryce came out, i was ecstatic to talk to him. he remembered katie, which is so cool! he was like "hey, haven't seen you in a while!" aww. =) and then when i came up to the table, before i could get one word out, he was like "i'm sorry!" about me not winning the contest. i was like... are you kidding me? haha, it's not a big deal at all, i was just so happy to be there at his concert, listening to him, talking to him. he told me that he did watch my video, though & that it was really good. so i asked him to sign my poster & he wrote my name on it. =) and then i told him that i want to get "good news is coming" tattooed on my wrist but i want it in his handwriting, so if he could write that on the poster, too. he said "how old are you? are you sure? i always get a little nervous when people tell me they want trs tattoos because i don't know if they'll want it ten years from now!" and i said "but... it's about jesus, not you." and he laughed, hahahaha & wrote it on the poster. i am just ecstatic. so ecstatic! i told him that he is a huge inspiration to me & just. sjkfhjdshfkjsf. i love him & his music. and anna & katie & sharon & daryen & my trs family. and forever the sickest kids. and atlanta. even if the waffle house we went to afterwards was ridiculously sketchy, i don't care. one of the best, most laid back, most fun & enriching overnight trips of my life.

the end.

so i pretty much fail at sleeping. i took two benadryl more than two hours ago & i'm still pretty hyped up. i have to be at work tomorrow morning at ten, too. not cool.

i guess it's just anxiousness & excitement, & nervousness, too. tomorrow (well, technically today) will just mean ONE MORE DAY until the big trip to atlanta to see THE ROCKET SUMMER with some of my favorite girlies. i'm just... trying not to stress! it's going to be fun, no matter what.



i got an early birthday present today. ;D a beautiful black trench coat from banana republic. i love it so much, so incredibly much! it just looks... FEIRCE. and is so nice & warm. a nice added bonus is that it's a petite xs! usually i'm a petite small. sorry, i know that's so silly & typical girl typing about the size of her clothing or how much weight she's lost or whatever. and as we all know, i'm not your typical girl. i'm typical dez. ah hah hah. i'm rolling my eyes at my own joke. ou, & a got a black boyfriend blazer for myself. originally eighty bucks, marked down to twenty seven. whatwhat!


katie & i were discussing our love for seth cohen tonight & how much we wanted our own personal version of him. but minus the drug use & the promiscuity. haha. but it made me realize that i'm weirdly attracted to two types. one is the guy who is very outgoing, funny, but just... loud & borderline obnoxious. i've come across many of these types of guys in my daily life. the second guy, is well... seth cohen-y, michael cera-y. still funny, but more witty & much more timid. that way, it's more special for him to approach me & try to flirt with me. since he's so shy, i'd know it'd take a lot for him to muster up the courage to do that & he must really think i'm special to take that risk. =) unfortunately, i haven't met that guy yet. i've just seen him on tv & in movies. i don't know. i really don't know. only god knows the man i'm supposed to be with, the man i will be with. and i guess when i meet him, i'll know too. or maybe i have already met him. but that's weird to think about since i wouldn't date any guy i personally know right now. without a bit of hesitation, at least. not saying that i don't know any great guys, i do! i know plenty of them & are really blessed to have them as friends. i just... wouldn't date them. okay, what the heck. this is a weird tangent.


my ROOM is so CLEAN and PRETTY! everything is so organized. my closet, all my jewelry... i'm getting a new bedspread, too! from urban outfitters. it's green & i adore it.

i can't really think of anything else to write about. lindsey & i are ichatting, so i gotta go. i just hope i get sleepy sooooon.

SHOOT, i am such a creep. a horrible, creepy creeper creep. creepin' on cute boys profiles & youtube accounts. not good. also, not good that i'm get all giggly from just watching you talk. i hardly know you. bad, bad desiree. but he's so adorable.


i was in a fashion show tonight at banana republic. it went awesome. adam did SUCH a good job putting it all together, i'm so proud of him! my parents came & so did mrs. wilson & justine. cuties! we got lots of canned food for the old savannah city mission, which is wonderful! AND i didn't trip or laugh or fall flat on my face on the runway, either. haha, in fact... i was told i "worked it". niiiice. i loved my outfits. pictures will be posted soon! and it's a kinda cool thing to add to my resume. i think it's going to be in the paper, too!




i'm pretty sure i have all the atlanta details figured out! just have to mapquest stuff tomorrow & talk to katie about the hotel. which i feel really bad for, since she's been sooo sick. i saw her at church today (YAY!) and she could barely talk! poor thing. but yeah, i gotta work the little details out like what time we have to leave each place & everything. ughh, i'm so anxious. stupid me, doing this last minute. hmhmhm... what else. OMGosh, so my friend anna who is dating van (not my best friend anna but another anna. gah) totally sliced her foot open on some glass at van's house the other night. it was so disgusting, she got blood on her jeans & all over the carpet. the cut was so deep, it was like a massive gash. i felt so awful for her! you could see her muscle. van took her to the hospital & she got twenty three stitches and came back all smiley & laughing. haha, whatta trooper. other than that, that night wasn't really eventful. just some ridiculous "drama" that shouldn't even occur & people making silly decisions. ohhh well. i don't really have much else to write about. all i know is that things are pretty okay at the moment. i still feel like i'm unproductive a lot of the time. and like there's so much stuff to be done & to do & sometimes i really feel like i'm wasting my life away, i'm not good enough, etc. but i think that becky is helping a lot of that. and small group, too. even though i haven't been to many of them because of work & appointments. so my apologies for that. =/

jksdhfkjdsf my friend daryen just im'd me & now we're gonna go talk about how stoked we are to see the rocket summer in FOUR days. :D take care.

last thing: here's this week's video for the daily style channel.

i'm stealing this from melanie.
ugh, the bella's lullaby remix from twilight just came on shuffle & kristen stewart's voice truly makes me want to gag.


-What does your name mean?
desire. in french.

-What exactly is your name anyway?
take a wild guess.

-Have you kissed under water?
hmm, nope. i wouldn't object to it, though.

-Are you afraid to cry in front of the opposite sex?
i'm not afraid, i just would prefer not to do so. i look weird when i cry & i don't like people feeling sorry for me or something.

-Can you still be friends with an ex?
i'm iming mine right now.

-Are you excited for anything coming up?
the rest of my life. =) and the banana republic fashion show this sunday. going to scad (hopefully!), going to new york, my birthday, christmas, blah de blahhh.

-What was the weather like today?
dreary. grey skies with some sprinkles. pretty cold, too.

-Did anything bother you last night?
i can be a pretty disgusting human being.

-Have you ever kissed under mistletoe?
false. wait. no, true. just wasn't really memorable, i guess.

-Who should make the first move?
i don't know. i usually hint at stuff, the guy usually "makes the move", though. depends on how confident i'm feeling.

-Something you just find totally awkward:
michael cera, but i like it.

-Why did your last relationship end?
uhh, i don't really think about it too much. it just wasn't right at all, haha. atttt all.

-How old were you when you had your first kiss?
sixteen. i know, pretty "late". but it's fine, i always wanted my first kiss to be with my first boyfriend & that's how it worked out. not in front of outback, though. weird.

-What EXACTLY are you doing?
surveying. sitting up. typing. breathing. blinking. iming some people. listening to music. hannah montana just came on shuffle, wth. now hanson. at least i can listen to hanson & not be ashamed.

-What's the last funny thing you seen on tv?
HAHAHA, GLEE made me CRACK UP.
artie (after talking to the girl he likes about how he got in a wheelchair): i wanna be very clear: i still have the use of my penis.

-Have you ever felt to low, you thought you wouldn't recover?
it happens. it's horrible.

-The last song you listened to was by?
currently listening to retirement by kaiser chiefs.

-You're more: sane or insane?
it walks a fine line.

-Would the world be different without music?
you're kidding me, right? i honestly don't know how i'd survive. it's my everything. what would i do with my life?

-Have you ever been to therapy/counseling?
just had an appointment today. she's really nice & is encouraging.

-Explain an out-of-body experience you've had:
that's never happened to me.

-How old were you when you lost your virginity?
yeah, no.

-Have you ever eaten something while high, that is disgusting to you when you're sober?
haha, never been high. never really ever want to be, either. especially after seeing my friend's mug shot. yeahhh.

-Ever watched the sun rise?
not in a long time. but sunrises over the bridge to hilton head are breathtaking.

-Some lyrics off the top of your head:
i can ride my bike with no handlebars, no handlebars.
wow, was that seriously the best i could do? how awful.

-Out of all the people you know, who has the most over-protective father?
hmmm, i'm gonna go with me.

-Do you have any chronic illnesses or a mental diagnosis?
depression. =)

-Do you blow dry your hair or let it dry naturally?
dry naturally, that's all you can do with stupid curly hair like mine! grrr.

-If you've had stitches, where on your body were they?
never had that experience. i never want to, either. the idea of a doctor sewing you up is just repulsive.

-Which of your five senses do you think is the best?
i have horrible eyesight. my sense of smell isn't too good since my nose is always stuffy. my hearing isn't the best due to loud live music. i guess my sense of taste, then. hence me being a FATTY. haha. or my ability to feel. i feel a lot.

-The last funny thing a friend said?


-Describe your number four?
my number four what? my fourth favorite movie? my fourth most hated britney spears song?

-What was the last thing you did that made you feel accomplished?
hahaha, of course you ask me this when i'm supposed to be cleaning my room right now.

-What is the worst drug anyone has ever offered you?
i've ever been offered? ecstasy. nothing too hardcore, haha.
i didn't take up the offer, by the way.

-A childhood memory off the top of your head:
wearing my leopard print bathing suit in the backyard in new jersey, running through the sprinkler.

-How many art classes have you had?
tons. my mom's an artist. and i was heritage academy's visual arts student of the year in 2006. haha.

-Do you hate the way you feel, or feel the way you hate?
feel the way you hate?
well, aren't you just the little philosopher.

-Your zodiac sign and birthstone?
sagittarius, aaaand blue topaz or turquoise or something. not positive. but it's blue & pretty.

-What's the worst thing about you when you're angry?
i usually don't let anyone know.

-Who do you tell EVERYTHING to?
everything? no one. i can't even admit some things to myself.

-Have you ever been to a rehab facility of any sort?
nutella rehab. hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life.

-Have you ever found something out you wish you hadn't?
yeah, just makes me resent you a bit. and as i learned recently, resentment is like stabbing jesus in the eye. haha.

-What is your best experience in life so far?
performing. but only on stage.
i hate feeling like i have to perform in real life, too.

-Is there anything you plan on buying soon?
christmas presents. ;D it's getting close!

-The last family member you kissed/hugged was?
my dog, pepper. he's the best family member.

-Ever had surgery?
negative.

-Is makeup sex really all that great?
ha, uhh. i wouldn't know.

- Do you sleep with anything other than pillows, blankets, etc.?
the remote next to me.

If you were kicked out of your house, where would you go?
haha, i can't imagine that happening. probably melanie's. or katie's. or something.

What's something you've always wanted to do?
kiss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu under the lucas theater in savannah at night with all the stars out.
bad, desiree. bad.

Has anyone ever called you beautiful?
liars.

What's your last text message say?
"yep" from adam rich. very exciting, i know.

If you could be any animal, what would you be?
anteater. just kidding. not too sure. perhaps a dog. they have it pretty good.

How about any celebrity?
i just want to be me. and have people like me for it.

there's always something wrong with them, right?

they have girlfriends.
they don't like girls.
they have a lack of morals.
they're egotistical.
they live far away.
they just don't like me.
i haven't met them yet.

it's always something. always has to be something.



except for work this morning from eight to noon, i have been quite lazy. i've had a headache all day & have attempted to sleep many times, but it just has not happened. my mind is kinda all over the place.

i found out a bunch of troubling stuff yesterday & today. it just has me a bit worried & discouraged.

i think i'm going to make another cd to put in someone's mailbox.



my scad audition... went amazing. i was so nervous about it. especially since i was ten minutes late due to running late. ugh. that was so hectic. but it went wonderfully. i wasn't expecting them to give me any feedback, since that's what i had been told previous to the audition. but they did, and it was excellent. they said that i was well worth the wait & had an amazing voice. i was thrilled. and i left the room & walked out to the front to meet with my mom & the lady who i had signed up with. i was just beaming. =) the lady was like "was that YOU singing in there?! you sounded amazing! such a strong voice coming from such a little person!" haha. then the head of the performing arts department came out & talked to my mom & i for about seven minutes, which was exciting. he said the nicest thing & told me that i should have no trouble getting in. he gave me such great compliments on my voice & told me he gave me five's on like, everything & that he wants me in his program. i am just... ecstatic. you have no idea. i'm so sorry if it sounds like i'm bragging, but music & singing & performing is just everything to me. so i'm just ridiculously happy about this. i hope i get into scad. i've wanted to go there since eighth grade & mraaahakjdhf. =)

anyway. there are three videos that i'd like to post tonight:

first one being an snl skit involving taylor swift that katie showed me last night. i cracked up. it's like all the girls at youth group times a thousand. we even learned their little annoying handshake & kept doing it over & over.



the second one is a video of max bemus (sp?) from say anything singing an acoustic version of the song "crush'd" off their new album. it's adorable. he wrote it for his new wife sherri dupree, who is in the band eisley. i think it's precious. once again, credit goes to katie for getting me hooked.



and the last video is one of me for the daily style channel. =P i've loved doing these videos so far, so i hope everyone likes them!



alright. that's it. i'm out. sdkhfkdhf. love to you all. <3

ohhh, yesterday was a mix of wonderfulness, stressfulness, & sadness.
i love scad. of course. i've always loved it. the theater department is amazing. the workshop i went to was fantastic, it was stage combat. haha, very cool. the professor was so high energy, so funny & passionate. i loved it. now today is the day that's really important. my performing arts audition at 1:20.
i decided on doing a monologue from antigone & thoroughly modern millie's "gimme gimme". i MUST do well at this audition. it determines any scholarships i'll receive & with scad being so ridiculously expensive, i need as much financial help as i can get. i am nervous. i haven't auditioned for anything since summer & that was in a massive room full of people. this will just be a small room with the scad representatives. i've probably told you this before, but i'd MUCH rather sing in front of a billion people then a handful. it's just more comfortable. i met some pretty cool people yesterday (and cute boys) & we gave each other our facebooks so hopefully we can stay in touch until the school year starts. if we all get accepted, that is. kdjsfh. anyway.

i'm getting into this band called freelance whales. they're really good, you should check them out.


luffy was so nice yesterday & picked me up from downtown so i could go to his house for the bonfire. lots of people came & it was really fun. s'mores are so good. katie & luffy did such a great job getting everything together! =) katie & i made john thomas his favorite cake for his birthday & it was just really cool having him & neal there. i love those kids! and hmmm, i don't know. ughughguhghghguhgUGH. i had some wonderful talks with katie in the car. she is just the greatest, she knows exactly what to say. and it makes sense. and she lets me cry like a dork in her passenger seat. and i just love her & probably don't know what i'd do without her. thanks again, katie. last night was fun, but rough. and you helped a lot. i know you're praying for me but i hope you know that i'm praying for your situation(s), too.

i have fifteen days to plan out my trip to atlanta to see the rocket summer. how i'm getting there, who i'm going with, where i'll be staying.

i have two days to perfect my song & monologue for my scad audition, fill out the financial aid form, write my essay, get three recommendations, & get my transcripts.

i have one day left to hang out with lindsey before she leaves for seattle.

i have work from 3:30 to 9:30 today.
bible study tomorrow morning at 11:00, then work from 2:00 to 5:45, on call 6:15 to 9:30.
i have to clean my room & do laundry. as always.
and then friday, i have to be at scad at 10 am.
i have to mapquest all the places i have to be at, there are so many.
one place for the first part, another for the meeting with admissions, another for the performing arts workshop, another for the portfolio conference, another for my audition... sdkjfhskjfh. and i still don't know what time exactly my audition is. they're supposed to call me either tomorrow or friday. and i have to get my music together... decide which part of the song i'll be singing & edit it on garage band & burn it to a cd.

oh, and i have to call father marc to set up a meeting for me to become a youth leader.
AND i need to see if i can go to the youth group bonfire on friday after all the scad stuff.
AAAAAND ask if i can go to the BC rave thing with cole, & then spend the night on saturday.




i am overwhelmed.

...because smilers never lose & frowners never win.'"



here is my sunday video for the daily style channnnnel... enjoy!




okay, my room is getting to the point where it's like... unlivable, haha. it's SO messy. there are dirty clothes & magazines & pieces of paper EVERYWHEREEEE. something must be done. and i seriously need new bed sheets & a new comforter. but anyway.

work was 'aight. only worked three hours, whatevs. we're getting in a BUNCH of new clothes for the holidays throughout the next three days. the stuff we got today is SO CUTE. there's so many things that i want... especially this silky peacock printed top & this black sequined tank top. and this lace pencil skirt. darn it. tomorrow shall be LOOOONG. i have a therapists appointment at one & then work from 3:30 to 9:30. awesome. i'll need a good night's sleep tonight.


okay, i'm debating on which song i should sing for my scad audition... home from beauty & the beast? gimme gimme from thoroughly modern millie? notice me horton from suessical? eeep. suggestions would be wonderful, feel free to give me some input. the accompanist will not be there the time of my audition, though. so i have to bring a cd. that's okay, i guess. i won't have to spend money on sheet music.




i had the weirdest dream the night before last night. i was driving in my mom's car & i was on the island, trying to get to the south end. so i wanted to go pay the toll, but i went on a wrong bridge. it went up really, really high... and then it stopped right at the top. there was a huge gap, & then it continued down. so cars literally had to fly across the gap or else they would fall into the water underneath. this has been a reoccurring dream for me. just the bridge part, not specifically on hilton head island. sometimes i make it across, sometimes i don't. sometimes i'm driving & sometimes someone else is. this time, i was driving, with a friend in the passenger seat. i forget who. we fell through the gap, even though i accelerated a lot. the car landed in this swampy water but we were okay. the car wasn't though. somehow it got to the island... and we went to a halloween party in this neighborhood where the houses were very san fransisco looking. there were a lot of people i knew there & some i didn't. you were there, dressed in a toga... haha, why. and you went into the bathroom & i was waiting outside to use it. there were these carpeted steps leading up to it. and then you came out & for some reason, i kissed you. isn't that weird? and you were laughing. i was happy. and then i turned my head & you were off the stairs, kissing some random girl. and i wasn't so happy anymore. then i called my mom because i thought it would be a good idea to tell her that her car was wrecked, haha. and she was perfectly fine with it. actually, she was a couple houses over visiting derek's mom (so weird) so i went over there & we drove the busted up car home. i don't understand. such a strange, random dream.

just so you know... that stick figure was supposed to be you.
i know you were wondering. i'm sorry.


old school goo goo dolls (circa 1987) sound NOTHING like goo goo dolls circa '98.
this has been quite a crazy week. jealousy is nooo bueno. am i really that typical? i know i shouldn't care, but i do.


she's right, you are way too immature. thanks, shmanna. =)
man, how EMBARRASSING. i'm never getting invited to sunday brunch ever again, hahaha.


halloween was ridiculous, haha. it was fun, but not what i expected. i was cleopatra, i adored my costume & my make up. riding in the car with lindsey, van, aaron, melanie & derek... making up songs about van in the backseat. i have never laughed so hard... that is, until lindsey & i took the most horrid, face deforming pictures with her macbook at four in the morning. we laughed so hard that we couldn't breathe. i love her.



thrifting with my mom today was FUN. i got the best necklaces. she's pretty swell.

things are much better when you're happy.


SCAD AUDITION IS IN ONE WEEK. no, LESS than one week. i need to perfect a song & a monologue pronto. and then, what else. OH, i need to finalize plans for the rocket summer concert in atlanta. because all i know now is that i have a ticket, haha. no clue on who i'm going with or how i'm getting there, where i'm staying... sweet. hahaha.

"you accidentally called me & i listened to you guys sing about jesus for twenty five minutes."

i hope all you ladies & gents had a lovely sunday.

i lead a very weird life, i'm telling ya.

last night was fun/awkward/weird/hilarious/confusing/fun.

bought five dollar jeans from the gap today. and had small group with jenny, katie & miss priscilla at the corner perk. it was lovely, something i will be looking forward to. it's something i need.

i cannot wait to try on my cleopatra costume. hopefully when mom & i got thrift store shopping tomorrow, we'll be able to find a bracelet that fits around my upper arm. i love thrift store jewelry more than anything.



1.) thanks for being you. holding me accountable, lifting my spirits, saying what i need to hear, even if i don't want to hear it.

2.) you... don't really care about anyone but yourself, do you? you make me feel guilty for things that i shouldn't have to feel guilty for.

3.) you're one of the most understanding, fairest, bravest, strongest, sweetest & funniest people i know. i adore you & wish you were staying longer. i'll miss you intensely when you go. but i know you're going to do amazing things.

4.) you kind of ruined everything for me & you don't even know it. or maybe i ruined it all for myself.

5.) wow, you disappoint me more & more each day. i'll always love you, but you're getting way in over your head. i still see a world of potential in you, but you're completely wasting it.

6.) i wish i knew the entire truth about you.

7.) it makes me really happy that we're talking again. we will probably never be as close as we were, but to know that you don't hate my guts just makes me beam. i missed you.

8.) good lord, please be careful. i worry about you. and stop making me feel inferior on purpose.

9.) hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. that was so weird.

10.) where are you?

...yeah, will you hold on with me?"


The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

and today started out so promising.
church was good, making my video for the daily style channel today was good... (i'll post it later, by the way), the drive to savannah was good, & so was eating at panara with hallie & then searching for a cool costume for her to wear. with some assistance from the clothing warehouse sales associate, she is going to be a pregnant nerdy catholic school girl. bahaha, yeah. appropriate since she already has the st. vincent's uniform. the beginning of youth group was good, the dinner part. i talked a lot to mallory & miss sally's daughter. they're both so cool, i'm going to love getting to know them. then the scavenger hunt started & that was not so fun. because of my asthma. i was really excited about it, too. but running up a million flights of stairs to get to the top of a parking garage was quite difficult & left me feeling pretty woozy. i felt like i was dragging my team behind & letting them down. we were searching for a peanut, haha. and the last clue said to pick the hue that is complimentary to our team's color. we were the red team, so when we found the peanuts, we picked up the one that was painted red. we didn't make it to the fourth floor first, the green team did with the green painted peanut... but here's the twist. our team ended up winning anyway since red is the complimentary color to green, haha. suckerssss.

the prize is joey will buy us movie tickets to go see where the wild things are.
but i've already seen it, & i'm not going to drive to midtown savannah, probably getting lost in the process & spend the money on gas that would have been used for my ticket. so i'm giving up mine for someone else.


anyway, i don't know. it just put me in a horrible, sad mood. i went to latechurch with hallie & we met up with cole, but only stayed for like. two songs. i just wasn't feeling to great. i wanted to leave, so i did. and i went to starbucks to get chai tea & then drove home. and cried to my mom when i got there, haha. i love her.

so yeaaaah. happy sunday.

here is the video i made today, you should watch it, comment it, rate it & subscribe to the channel because it is amazing!





and yeah, thanks for ignoring me the whole time & then being in the parking lot & staring at me as i drove away. thankssss a lot. killed me.

boys are so.
freaking.
weird.


just, yeah. weird. confusing. complicated.
or maybe that's me.


and the really cute dress i bought on sale at american eagle does not fit. fatfatfatty am i. ugh.

last night was fun, saw paranormal activity. it was really freaky, but good. i'd see it again. some parts felt date-like, though. and that was odd, butttt whatever!



lindsey is back in town & it is such a happy thing. =) i spent all day with her.

and i hope you're okay. i don't not care, i just didn't know.



feeling purposely ignored is just terrible.

key lime pie ice cream is reeeeeally hitting the spot right now, especially the little graham cracker crust pieces. yummy.

today was insanity. i had a uhm, killer migraine this morning so i called off work. i felt awful too, cuz apparently the district manager or something was coming to the store & that's supposed to be uber important. ew, i never say uber anymore. whatever. and then when i went back to sleep, i had a dream that my boss fired me. =( it was terrible. hopefully that will not happen. i love working at banana so much. when i woke back up around 1:30, i decided to keep my plans with van that i had made on monday, since i haven't hung out with him in sooo long. it was just gonna be me, van, melanie, aaron & derek, but it turned into me, van, melanie, aaron, derek, erin, anna a., haley & logan, which is fine with me. mel, erin & i went to moe's first for five dollar burrito day, which apparently doesn't start until three pm. we got there at 2:49. awesome. hahaha, so we had to wait eleven minutes to get our burritos. so worth the wait, though. erin saw some weird boys from her school & it was awkward. then we went to the rose hill clubhouse, went on the roof & played apples to apples. van won. it was fun, i love that game. even though killer bees tried to attack us. and the rose hill security got ticked that we were there. lame.


we then went to sonic for some limeades (strawberry is so delicious), then off to van's house for some unicycling & bubblegum blowing. now here comes the craziness. i left my car at moe's, so haley was going to take me & mel to it after dropping derek off at his house. we were on bluffton parkway when BAM, we hit something. well, more like something hit us. out of NOwhere. we think it was a deer. i looked back & just saw something brown & white roll around a couple of times & then scurry off on all fours. there's blood & chunks of fur in haley's door, & some pretty huge dents. i felt so awful, i almost started crying. i am still so worried about that poor thing. i hope we didn't break any of it's bones, and i certainly hope that it's not bleeding to death. animals are so helpless, i just wish there was something i could do. we drove back around to try to find it, but we couldn't. ughhhhh, poor thing. i really dislike thinking about it.

OH! another crazy weird thing that happened today was this guy making weird, threatening phone calls to my mom's cell phone & my brother, keith's... asking questions about my dad & all this stuff. they claimed to be this legal person & that we better have a good lawyer or else we owed them a lot of money... it was so stupid, confusing, & kind of scary. my mom actually talked to the fbi & they found out it was a huge scammer from key west, florida. somehow he got all my dad's info & our phone numbers... even his social security number. ridiculousness. everything is fine now. besides all of that madness, i had a fun day today.



aaaand you know we'd never want to leave you out of anything. i would have loved for you to come today, it's just that he was gonna be there & i didn't think you'd want to come because of that. that's the only reason we didn't invite you. i'm sorry. =(

ouuu, another pretty swell thing: i am now part of this cool youtube channel called the daily style channel. it's all about these seven girls who are each assigned a day of the week to make a video all about fashion. we're from all over the world & have very unique styles. it's a really cool idea & a great project! i'm excited for it. so please check out www.youtube.com/thedailystylechannel right nowwww! haha, and SUBSCRIBE! :D merci!

it kind of feels nice pretending.

last night was pretty terrible & this morning was no better. i love the cold but it's making my skin so dry. huge dislike.

going out to eat with anna was fun (DUDE.), as was the short time she was at rock the nest with me & mel. she made us crepes. they were good. hard to eat, though. then she had to leave for the play, along with colleen & jean white & mel and i were kind of stranded, waiting around for catie or maddie way & tessa. it was freezing & i saw a bunch of people that i didn't want to see there. we wanted to hang out with davis but when we went up to him, this really rude girl was hanging on to him & pulled him away.

...david crowder band's cover of flyleafs "all around me" just came on my itunes shuffle. random. yet pretty choice. anyway.

i just hated it. i hated walking around aimlessly. i felt embarrassed. like everyone, if they even remember me, thinks of me as that weird girl who always missed school & then was homeschooled & now doesn't even go to college. who posts lame videos of her singing lame songs that they all mock. i felt like a joke.
i dropped melanie off, who was probably having a worse time than i was, & drove back to my house since i was feeling sick. thank god for maddie & tessa. it was nice to hang out with them.

this morning was no better. i sounded terrible at church. i really just was not feeling the music at all. half the band was missing, including my dad. when i walked offstage to sit with my mom to listen to the sermon, she tells me that i should spit out my gum because it looks awful. i told her that i didn't really care & she said that i should care what i look like. i'm sorry, i thought church was a place where i could just be myself & feel accepted. it's not like i'm doing a musical in a theater. most of the people in the congregation aren't even looking at me anyway, they're closing their eyes & worshiping. i don't know, it just upset me. like nothing i do is going to be good enough. so i walked out & sat in a bathroom stall for probably twelve minutes. it was stupid. i feel stupid.




i want to fall asleep, wake up, & have everything be perfect.

what a sad panda day.
i'm feeling very lonely.
i have no plans for this friday night.


these two bruises on both of my thighs just won't go away, and i don't even know how i got them to begin with!
i'm getting another guitar lessons today, that's something to be happy about.
hmmm. it's a really dreary day. kind of rainy.

i should make a list of things i could do.
- play with my dogs & cats.
- clean my room.
- do laundry. (haha, it seems like these two things are always on my to-do lists.)
- find my raybans. =( they seem to be missing.
- make up a christmas/birthday list! (i get jipped since my birthday is in december.)
- paint my nails a fun color.
- watch harriet the spy like i said i was going to do the other night.
- read my bible.
- learn to knit. (that'd be so fun to make scarves for people.)

i think i'll make my christmas/birthday list first. right now. then read.

DESIREE'S 19th BIRTHDAY/CHRISTMAS 2009 WISH LIST.

- a camera! a really swell one.
- very cute clothes/shoes. or just giftcards to certain stores, like delia's, forever21, urban outfitters...
- two baskets & a bell for my bike! (this actually was supposed to be my birthday/christmas present from keith last year but he never got me it. =P)
- a third ear piercing.
- a tattoo! (hahaha, yeah right, like my parents would ever give me money for a tattoo.)
- blank cd's.
- a cover for my macbook.
- a massage!
- some new guitar picks.

gah, i just got done with my lesson. it was short since dad didn't have much time. but it was good! i learned the f cord, which he said was the hardest cord since you have to hold down two strings with your pointer finger at the same time. easier said than done. i'll get it, though. i practice every day. =)

aw, a song from the "where the wild things are" soundtrack just came on shuffle. i wish i could have seen it today, but my friends didn't tell me they were going. oh well, i'll see it sooner of later. quite excited, i hope it's just as good as the book.

i just had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life...
either watch a new episode of law & order svu or harriet the spy.

i decided to watch law & order now & harriet the spy later tonight on my computer before the tyra show. haha, woo. what an awesome tuesday. i woke up super late & slept right through bible study at the corner perk with jenny & katie. lame. i suck.



very, very confused as to what i should be for halloween.
last year i wanted to be an indian, but all the costumes were either too boring or too disgustingly tacky. i like creative costumes, stuff i can piece together... not all store-bought. maybe cleopatra or tom cruise from risky business, haha. that'd be cute. and i'm not really sure what i'm doing for halloween, either. probably the big concert at the corner perk, but i was hoping for charleston. we'll see how everything plays out. hahaha, melanie was like "we should get a huge group together & go as all the characters from degrassi!" and proceeded to play the "who would go as who" game. i'd be darcy & wear this huge cross with a mini skirt, haha. melanie would be mia & carry her cat around as her baby. we're ridiculous. aww, when i'm in college or living in nyc, i'm totally making a bunch of theater loving friends & we're going as the cast of rent. =) haha, i'd totally rock being mimi.

this guy from savannah really wants me to do a photoshoot with him... i don't know. i know i need to get back to him. i just hear one too many horror stories about those kind of things, but he seems harmless & professional. i'll just have to look into it more. it would be cool to do that, for sure.



i have a huge zit on my right cheek & it's so gross & painful, haha. ew.

you need help.

i want two things in my hand right now: my rocket summer concert tickets for atlanta on november 19th, and his new ep coming out october 23rd, "you gotta believe!" and i would looooove to know the winner of the "so much love" contest. that would be a total dream come true... singing on stage with bryce. eep!

looks like i'm not going to go on parish weekend. =/ today was the deadline & i am toooo broke anyway. bahh.

last night was a huge fail. i was looking forward to that for a whole week (haha, a whole week. wow.) thank god we left when we did, it was sketchy anyway. really sketchy. and outside. of course the cops are going to come.

guys & dolls was... actually really good. they found some pretty talented guys & the sets were fantastic. it's hard to forget like... who the people actually are in real life when i see them play their character on stage. just because i know them pretty well & for a while now. but everyone did a great job. kyle, jean, lauren, jean-luc, clark... it was wonderful. and i saw bryce! and olivia! and chelsea! and erin gilman. and just being at the theater made me really nostalgic. i felt like crying during some of the show. i miss doing musicals. i miss main street theater. i miss the friendships i had with the people there. i feel like my reputation is tarnished because i just kind of... vanished. and that fight my theater friends & i got in to a couple summers ago... that ruined everything. so yeah. i miss it.

anna did a really great job with the backstage stuff, i'm proud of her. =) and her hair looks really good curly. haha.



but yeah, after attempting to go to this party & it being sketch/lame so we left, melanie & i just drove around & decided to chill at home. we took plenty of goofy pictures & stuff. then we went to church this morning, it was good. father owens was there, and even though i really, really like father chris & his enthusiasm, i like listening to father owen's anecdotes & whatnot. haha. then we went over to derek's house for a lovely brunch with his family. hahaha, i love leslie & derek & his sisters. and todd is nice, too. he made us pancakes. =) i started to watch an audrey hepburn movie with my mom & helped my dad with some outside halloween decorations (the house looks AWESOME, by the way. i love halloween.) before i had to leave for savannah.

we didn't have many kids show up at you group. well, not enough to split the groups up into middle school & high school, at least. but anna sprague is back from a month of having mono, which is so great! haha. poor thing. i got to do the welcome, which was kinda cool. =) and then we played this game that was like hot potato... but with baby food. i had to eat the macaroni & cheese flavored kind. which was disgusting. it was horrible, why couldn't i get the apple & blueberries?! stupid matt, throwing me the jar. haha.



the rob bell movie we watched... was pretty awesome. i'm going to post it.
yhvh. you say his name every time you take a breathe. please watch, it's so worth it.




and latechurch was wonderful. as soon as i walked in, i just felt a rush of intense love & joy. the music there is just incredible. as are all the smiling, accepting faces. this week, we had a man tell us all about the mission work he's going to be doing in the middle east. i don't think i'm called to be a missionary for the rest of my life, no. but i know i am called to do mission work, for sure. and i am called to help people in un-reached countries hear the word through my music. ...one day. i'm excited.

i'm going to be better.

and WHAAAAAAT THE HECK, OH MY GOSH. i cannot believe that you'd... wow. that's so, so uncool. and stupid.